The Guild Split

My guild split this week over the usual issues that break up guilds.

1. Lack of Raiding
2. Lack of Guild officers being online to get things done.
3. Lack of Advancement in the guild for those that do hard work.

These are valid reasons for people to leave. The group that left decided to form a new guild on their own. The old guild is going through restructuring. I wish both groups of my friends well. I will move an alt to the new guild and keep my main in the old guild. I'm not going to be going through end game content any time soon so I'm not too worried about lack of oppertunity.

I also had more important things going on:

Like finding out that the foot pain I've had for forever was a broken metatarsel in my foot.

And celebrating my 36th birthday by apartment complex giving me a suprise party. Few things can compaire to getting given a slice of chocolate oreo birthday cake and being sung Happy Birthday in French by the French Foreign exchange students.

Or playing WoW with my friends daughter and watching her figure out how the game works. Then there is making level 50 with a run through Sunken Temple with old friends who have no vested interest in guild drama.

Some things are more important than any guild.

Drama

So I've not been blogging for a bit because of real life issues. Yesterday was just crappy all around.

I log in this morning after feeling a bit of frustration with life the universe and RP and I go talk with a friend.

Evidently there is the potential for a mass guild exodus. I had noticed people were getting pulled into private conversations all last week but figured it was of a personal real life nature.

Evidently there is a mass difference of opinion. Offically the guild no longer wants to do raids on the old instances like Kara because when WotLK comes out the gear will be useless. There are a group of people in the guild who think this is pure BS and have continued to go on Kara raids and whatnot.

This has caused a tremor in the force. All is not well in the guild. I don't know where to stand on this issue but my take on it is if people want to raid let them. Let them explore end game content if they want to. Doesn't hurt you if they do.

Personally I'm just shaking my head. I've had enough real life drama going on that I don't need it in my game. I don't want to RP it and I don't want to get dragged into it and I get really pissed off when people drag me into it or jerk me around about it. I go to have fun. Not to watch other people having fun. I go to RP. Not so I can get hassled or have someone stomp on my toon to get to someone elses toon.

Its all irrelivant anyway. If the guild splits its a moot point. Part of me wishes it would so I could move on.

One of the reasons I have multipul toons is that inevitably I hit a wall with my highest toon. You know the one where you can't take 2 steps without dying or you feel like the class you picked is the stupidest one in the game.

When this happens I log into an alt. If you knew how many alts I have you would know how often the game frustrates me. Still I shall perservere. I will get past the slump. I will reach level 50 before my birthday.

Some days it doesn't pay to log in

Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed. Today I spilled my coffee, and my dinner. My mike refused to work for a span of time and I died out in the middle of nowhere while I was trying to figure out why my mike wasn't working. This did not bode well for Zul' Farrak

Some Instance runs just go sour. It happens to everyone. Some days you just can't get anything done. Today was one of those days for me. Even though the instance dropped only one good piece for my mage and the rest was stuff that no one could have used, it was still a bit of a downer. I made 47 because I was able to turn in a quest but I'm still feeling blah.

I've got 11g to my name due to leveling my skills and it seemed like EVERYONE was cranky tonight. I just figured to heck with it. I'm not going to take my grump factor out on everyone so I logged.

There is always another instance. There will always be the chance that the next one might drop something a person can use. That is why I go. Even when the deck is stacked against me I try to have a good time because usually someone is getting XP

The old me would have gotten pissed and stayed mad. The new me knows when to log.

And that is half the battle.

Decisions

There are many players that can grind a toon to 70 at the speed of light.

I am not one of them. I'm a 30something who has gone back to school to get my BA in History and my MA in Library Science and Information Resources. I also recieve SSI. Yes I'm on the government dole. The government pays for my healthcare and I get food stamps.

To show my gratitude for this I'm an honor student. I have a 3.75 GPA. I bust my ass when the semester is going. Some days I don't even log into WoW. My life nine months out of the year is school. Its my job, my life and the thing I pray about when I go to bed.

Reciently I felt bad because I didn't have a level 70 and EVERYONE I know does. I was feeling like I couldn't keep up and that I was a drain on peoples resources. So I had a talk to the higher ups in my guild. All of my issues I discussed with them. They pointed out that having 2 level 40somethings and 2 level 30somethings is an accomplishment. They also said that if I get hassled in game and a polite whisper doesn't get people to back off THEY will do something about it regardless of the guys status in the guild.

I decided to focus on my mage for the moment and work on leveling her. I rearrainged my spells and casting order and I'm hoping to see some improvement. I plan on reworking my paladin too as something to play when my mage is totally out of blue time.

This decision has taken a load off of my shoulders. Knowing I don't have to keep up and kill myself doing it is a great relief.

Virtual Girl

I've come to realize some things in the last 3 months.

There are good friends I've only interacted in WoW for over a year.

Some people are busy its true but if I live in the same town as you and you still only interact with me via WoW what does that say?

When did face to face contact matter so little?

Drop a few unhealthy cliques and suddenly I'm a shut in. I don't get it. Are people just too busy to hang out over a coke once a week? It makes me wonder if this virtual world is all its cracked up to be. I mean I have no desire to BE my characters at all yet some people hide behind the game rather than hang out with me in person.

It disturbs me greatly that people that used to call me over the phone don't any more because they're busy or whatever leveling their 5th toon to 70.

Is it me? I don't think so. I think the game offers a lot but I think some people need to unplug and rest a while. After all living in a virtual world means that you never know WHO you are really talking to unless you know them in person.

$15 bucks a month....

Last night I was puttering around WoW and I was on one of the quieter guild channels minding my own business as I am prone to do. Our guild is made up of 20 and 30 year olds and while that can be fun, sometimes I just need some down time. People can reach me if they need to, but I'm not honor bound to chime in every 3 minutes with some quick witty comeback.

One of the guildies chimes in that if I ever have an issue or a problem that I should come to him if I'm not comfortable with something going on. I restate my position and the guildie states:

"The guild hire ups like you, Satharn. You don't complain so if you have a problem let me or them know. We really respect and admire that you are mature."

Clearly they don't know this blog exists.

I'm an abuse surviver. I was physically, mentally, and sexually abused before the age of seven. My birth father is an alchoholic and my mother did her best but this was back before kids went to therapists. So yeah I've got issues. I'm mentally broken in more ways than one.

One of the things I have struggled with in the last 2 years is removing the abusive people from my life. I had a roomate who used to throw me into walls and grab me so hard she left bruises and scars. I sat and took it for 14 years because I'd ALWAYS been abused by someone in my life. I figured I deserved it because I was worthless.

I decided I needed therapy. So I went. It took a long long time for it to sink in because the abuse was so hardwired into my psyche I just couldn't see the manipulitive crap people would do to me. I was one of these people that felt that I had to sit and take it so people would like me.

Removing the negative people started slowly and I made mistakes. I lashed out at the wrong people sometimes and it took a long time to find medication that would work because my doctors weren't listening very well to what I was saying. Ihad some health issues as well. I hurt people and for that I will forever be sorry. I lost tons of people I considered friends because they couldn't handle the drama that erupted when I fumbled in an attempt to change my life for the better.

It wasn't all my fault of course. Some people were manipulative asshats that needed to be removed from my life. Like the spotlight whore who made it her mission to publically ride my ass and stalk me over IM specificly to dump on me for not following her agenda for her fan fic, her SCA career or her characters in our RPGs. There was the SOB who verbally beat down his girlfriend and called her on the phone to harrass her when she was out having fun with my friends and I.

I listened to people make excuses for this behavior and my response was this, "Watching someone get emotionally mauled and doing nothing is cowardice. Just because its not your soul they are slowly rending to bits doesn't mean you should ignore it happening to others. Stand up and DO something."

Wrong thing to say. I got booted out so fast and so brutally I ended up getting an extra dose of meds just to keep me mellow for the next 3 months.

Abusers hate it when you call them on their shit. I did that too. I then turned around and had it out with the roomate. Again with the verbal abuse only this time the therapy kicked in. I finally went for broke. I tossed out every abusive shitty person I had in my life. The clingy people that thrived on the drama, the people that pointed at me and told people I made them look sane, all of them. I moved, I didn't pass on my address and I changed my phone number. I've sworn people to NEVER tell these people where I live and NEVER to devulge anything about me. Its not their business.

So yeah when someone says "We like and admire you, Satharn and want to know if you're having problems." I get really suspecious. Trust doesn't come easily for me and before anyone thinks its odd that I'm blogging my life in such an open way the fact is that I just don't care what people think. My life my views are my own and they shape my WoW experience in a unique way.

I don't want to get emotionally invested with these people. I've been down that road and removed the knives from my back once too often to want to do it again. I'll be nice and polite and state my opinions quietly but I will never EVER let anyone in a guild get that close to me.

I'll do my own thing and if the guild becomes distasteful I'll leave. You can't change the world and most people just don't give a crap what others think. I've said it before, its my 15 bucks too.

And if I want a therapist I've got one. She reads my blog. The state pays her a lot more than 15 bucks a month too.